Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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