so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize