Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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