Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize