So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
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They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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