I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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