I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize