tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
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dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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