Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+27): View more from South Africa

I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.

(+27): View more from South Africa

I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.

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(+27): I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake. (+27): I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better. http://tfl.nu/rfir

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(337): View more from Louisiana

but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?

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(337): but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp? http://tfl.nu/p1my

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(217): View more from Illinois

You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

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(217): You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket" http://tfl.nu/imu3

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.

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(414): I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing. http://tfl.nu/kg0l

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(949): View more from California

My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.

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(949): My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship. http://tfl.nu/pxfl

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(314): View more from Missouri

If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.

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(314): If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die. http://tfl.nu/75m1

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me

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(732): I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me http://tfl.nu/pe15

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(765): View more from Indiana

so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick

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(765): so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick http://tfl.nu/orgy

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(631): View more from New York

His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE

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(631): His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE http://tfl.nu/8spd

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(317): View more from Indiana

When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.

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(317): When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work. http://tfl.nu/4lb8

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.

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(609): i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen. http://tfl.nu/t0rk

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(+61): View more from Australia

After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"

(1+61): View more from

I don't know if I want context or not...

(+61): View more from Australia

Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.

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(+61): After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort" (1+61): I don't know if I want context or not... (+61): Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5. http://tfl.nu/jpk3

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(802): View more from Vermont

I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses

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(802): I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses http://tfl.nu/9pm9

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(623): View more from Arizona

He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.

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(623): He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix. http://tfl.nu/za16

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?

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(+44): you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home? http://tfl.nu/3r4f

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