This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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