I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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