Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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