...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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