from now on my penis is your penis
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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