i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am naked and annoyed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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