y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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