I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize