well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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