I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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