Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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