Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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