i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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