Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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