im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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