i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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