fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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