Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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