Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a bar mat shot.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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