Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
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We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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