How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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