Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
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According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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