We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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