Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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