i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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