somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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