just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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