also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
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This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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