Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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