When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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