He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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