My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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