I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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