no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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