I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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