Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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