if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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