I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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