one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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