It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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