Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize